john amato

in case the news of coop’s death caught you by surprise, i guess i should give you an explanation. coop had not been doing well the last couple months. most notably, a large tumor grew under his left ear. in the last few weeks, the growth accelerated and it can safely be assumed that it was infected and not isolated to his ear. the tumor didn’t bother coop much, but a couple weeks ago it outgrew the skin covering it and started to bleed pretty bad. we kept a bandage on it and did our best to clean it. coop’s vet, chuck’s cousin lisa, was concerned about removing the tumor because of the effect anesthesia might have on such a wise (see: old) cooper.

the more significant signal of his decline was the loss of control in his hind legs. pants was really worried when this happened at the beginning of january. it was suggested to give coop painkillers. this temporarily resolved the issue. but last week coop became incontinent. basically, he pulled johnny walkers all over the house. and that is not fun to deal with.

when we went to see lisa yesterday, the purpose of the visit was for her to evaluate coop. i wasn’t there to, in the parlance of our times, “put him down”. when she saw coop, his ear, and incontinence, she asked and implied that it was time put him down. i knew this was a possibility but was really hoping, and expecting, coop would come home with us. after all, he was still running around the house and following me around on tuesday.

this was a lot harder on me than i expected. even though he was 15 and i knew he would die someday, i just never pictured that day ever coming. i guess i just didn’t realize how much he meant to me. i have talked about him on this blog quite a bit and taken so many photos and videos of him. and when i look back at those, i realize that coop, my dog, was really one of the most significant things in my life. who else did i see everyday, hang out with that much, or share so many meals with. i even created a facebook profile for him. and he has 450 friends!

i also feel like i let coop down by cutting his life short. i don’t feel like him requiring more care justifies killing him. the pain seemed to be under control for the most part and his life wasn’t significantly altered by the tumor. i know i’m probably arguing over a few weeks or maybe even days, but i really wish he could have died naturally, on his own terms. i guess i can still say that coop bowed out in his prime.

this wasn’t easy on the rest of the family either. i’m pretty sure pants could have committed any number of grievous crimes on the ride home and been freed on a temporary insanity plea. while i closed up and didn’t talk on the ride home, she started rambling about all sorts of stuff. she talked about how coop was such a good companion and finding a new dog (not so fast pants), then somehow got on the topic of john eikost. i’m not sure what the connection is, but yes, john is a very nice guy and i’m not sure how he knows the haighs.

it’s weird now to come home and expect to open the door on coop’s head or to see him running up to greet you and he’s not there. or not have him rubbing his ears on the couch, or lying in his bed, or barking at nothing, or eating my sandwich, or not stepping over him on the steps.

i’d like to thank everyone for the comments, textos, and phone calls. it really means and helps a lot. i feel kind of weird for putting so much out there about this, but i’m pretty open about most things that i do and it helps me to cope. so thanks for putting up with it. don’t be afraid to leave a comment today to share your favorite story about coop. and if i can add this quickly, the comments are there for your use. they’re fun. so leave one to correct my post, add your own anecdote, make a joke, or tell me i’m an idiot.

you can check out all of my photos tagged “coop” on flickr by clicking here. i’ll be reposting more pictures and videos in honor of cooper amato: purebred champion week and on every jan 23 for eternity.