john amato

last night the a-team (yes that actually was our name. no it is not in reference to my last name.) held their soccer awards ceremony. it was an excellent event. shannon provided some delicious treats, chris and jimmy provided shade and shelter, and i provided the awards.

we had a great season. we didn’t actually win too many games, but we really enjoyed ourselves – and that’s all i need to get out of anything in life. i’m already excited for next season. many of the awards you may not understand because you don’t know everyone on the team, but just trust me, they’re funny.

This award goes to our most social and outgoing member. There in the clutch on several occasions this season, no other player took a loss so personally or rejoiced as much with a victory. This is the player with a unique combination of abilities that can bring everyone together and has the willingness to do so. This teammate is always quick with a joke and a laugh. The Dale Carnegie, how to win friends and influence people award goes to Jimmy Hoben. (jimmy and danielle took a dale carnegie class during the season. they talked about it almost every week. jimmy was also amazed last week when joe and i went on for almost ten minutes talking about sonic. amazingly, he grew up near a sonic and rarely went there. he obviously has malfunctioning taste buds. his first award was a gift certificate to sonic. jimmy frequently broke out games when we hung out at his place. his favorite is apples to apples and last week his girlfriend brought catchphrase. since jimmy had a 4.0 gpa with a double major, i figured the 1981 trivial pursuit game i found at savers was perfect for his intellect and keenness for board games.)

This award goes to our most stylish and energetic teammate, who was never afraid of the competition, who if she couldn’t distract them with her beauty, was caught threatening an opposing player with a scowl and the words, ‘I will murder you.’ For always being dressed up and ready to go, the Dennis Rodman, ‘I wear makeup when I really shouldn’t be’ award goes to Shannon. (shannon was torn all season because she didn’t have shin guards and thought she should. we even went to dick’s before the second to last game and almost bought some. since she’ll be playing with us again next year, i thought it would be a good idea to eliminate this dilemma well before the season began with some cute pink shin guards.)

danielle and melissa

This award goes to our toughest player. Who never backed down, who fearlessly defended our territory and punished those that threatened us and for being our most improved player. The player that always gave 100% – even in pants – the Zinidane Zidane award goes to Melissa. (melissa was renown for attempting to kick the ball, missing, and then watching her shoe somersault through the air. to prevent this from happening again, shannon had the great idea of presenting her with brand new shoelaces.)

This award goes to our spriest senior member. Who despite his age, penchant for injury and ball and chain, still managed to keep up with the young-uns. This player did more to keep us in games than any other player on our team, surprised us with his athleticism and managed to keep his dignity even after being punk’d by a girl. The Nancy Kerrigan ‘injuring my leg was the best thing that ever happened to me’ award goes to the greatest addition to our team from season 1 to season 2, joe pesci. (joe pesci did not show up last night. therefore, he does not get a photo. his award was a pair of goalie gloves. i actually spent more money on him than for any other award. his name really is joe pesci.)

This award goes to the team sex symbol. For bringing the ladies out in droves, for being gossip fodder for young girls everywhere, for drawing attention not for how well he played but for how he dresses and for sticking with is gal in the face of all of his groupies. The David Beckham pin-up award goes to Chris Winslow. (nothing makes me happier than the photo above, which i framed and gave to chris as his award.)

This award goes to our most reliable player. Who has had the not so easy task of erasing our errors all season and making us look good against all odds. To the player who has somehow managed to play the entire season without kicking the ball with his left foot, our defensive mastermind and stronghold. The ‘this is Sparta and tonight we dine in hell’ award goes to Scott Jones. (scott received the 300-esque sword to continue to protect us.)

This award goes to the best athlete on our team. For being the most pivotal player in every game, making the big plays when we needed them most and providing the offensive power that we couldn’t find anywhere else. The Pele Team MVP award goes to our best and most outstanding player, Lindsay. (all champions receive large, fancy, expensive awards. lindsay received the champions wreath in recognition of being the team’s best.)

the frame picture danielle received. i was just a little guy

And finally, this award goes to the person responsible for us being here. The one person that has provided us with something to look forward to each Thursday and convinced us to reallocate $160 that we normally would have spent on beer and late night food. Most importantly, she gave us an excuse to have fun, stay in shape, and make friends that we wouldn’t have otherwise. The Timothy Alter excellence in leadership award goes to Danielle. (Danielle really loved this team. I wanted to give her a framed photo of the team. however, the only good team photo i had wasn’t high enough resolution so i ended up putting a photo of myself in the frame. which is better if you ask me.)